It’s Monday morning. Day one begins in the most unorganised chaotic start, Beep beep beep goes the alarm “huh what is that?” I think to myself half asleep rolling around like a bear that’s just awaken from hibernation stumbling looking for the culprit of the noise that disturb my sleep. All while mumbling erh, further proving my theory I am I fact a bear that has awoken from hibernation. I’m looking everywhere for the source of the noise on my dresser, under my pillows, on the floor even under the bed all to find out it was my stupid watch alarm. Oops 😬 *facepalm*
“Dumb ass I am”
See i know myself and I knew I’d forget that I had set my watch alarm last night for in the morning so when it goes off, it would incline that I’d have to actually get out of bed to find the source of the alarm. Instead of hitting that sweet old snooze button 😂
Good work past me, got the ball rolling for Today’s me!!
I’m awake and in bed cuddling with my husband when he leans in and kisses my forehead while whispering he loves me. I just soak in the moment and enjoy the present something I don’t normally do. It feels great just to embrace the moment of pure love. God how I do love him and so grateful to have such a patient man, but how the fuck did he not hear the alarm five minutes ago?
Time to get up I convince myself I roll out of bed as my feet hit the fall I feel the fatigue hit me. “Eh it’s going to be one of those days” I think to myself and I stubble across the hall to the bathroom. Omg the chill of the morning air hits my skin “jeez it is bloody cold.” I turn the shower on as quickly as humanly possible and jump straight in to retain all the warmth in my body.
Once out and dressed I think it’s Time to get embraced amongst nature, I’m still fatigued and not really feeling up for it but if I quit I’ll never know if nature can help increase my mood and hopefully be one step closer to being one day be medication free.
I grab my dog Bella get her ready and off we go,
we arrive to the dog park “okay jade just an hour then you can go home” there’s plenty of other dogs for Bella to keep her occupied.
I find myself a seat under a tree half in the shade and half in the sunshine, it’s quite a warm day so I really don’t want to be full emerged in the sun. I open my book up “time to get some reading done” I think to myself as I take one last look around embracing the sun and wind on my skin. The way the individual leaves on the trees move among themselves as the wind brushes through.
Bella is off running with the other dogs they are having a jolly time, time to get my head down and see how much I can get read.
As I flick page after page with a brief look up every now and then to check on Bella I suddenly notice the time and how it has gone by so fast. Wow, I think to myself an hour already. She’s still happy playing so I put my book down and I decide to jump up join her. We start playing tag she loves it her favourite game. I think she enjoys the fact she can outrun me so she always wins haha.
Huffing and puffing I have the feeling like I could take on the world, I’m getting stronger than before and it feels incredible. Instead of being tired and fatigue like I was before the park, I feel energetic after a workout.
I feel free,happy, I’m me at the moment not my illness an feels so good to be me. I mean nature and exercise sure did boost my mood and productivity, feeling pretty incredible.
But negativity and it’s thoughts aren’t far away and they start “How long is it going to last how much longer before the cloud creeps in again and grasp me till I’m completely in its web of despair? I question myself.
Is this why I to fall back into the darkness because I expect it every time something is to good. Am I to scared to be happy? Do I enjoy the pain of chaos? I have some serious soul searching to do I hope that within 365 from today I’m in a happy healthier state from mind body to soul.
I Promise to hold my own I’m making my life a better experience. One step at a time slowly but surely, I will be able to succeed and Persevere to become who I am without the labels.
The outcome after the hour an half of being outside, I felt clam, I noticed how nice I felt when the wind braced across my skin leaving me with a cool breeze to take in or the warmth of the sun on my skin. I hope that feeling I got after today keeps pushing me for the next 30 days.
Wish me well I’m going to need it 😉
Thank you again for your time, I am truely great full for even having one person view so thank you 🙏🏼
P.s if you feel like you felt inspired or motivated Leave a like or follow for more updates.
For now Jade x